The Truth and Facebook

Facebook is still only 12 years old in 2016 when I write this blog article, although it feels like it has been part of our lives forever...

Most of my friends who are similar in age to me or older are still not on Facebook. They still think that Facebook is just for "young" people and it's all junk. Let's not go there right now! :)

Those of us, who belong to the "older" generation on Facebook, our lives are in a very different stage and what interests us, might be quite different from my students. Being a teacher, my social circle is probably quite different from the average member's. Many of my ex-students are from Hungary. Those relationships with them are very different from my students from Australia or other places. It is hard to explain why... Maybe because I was a young, beginner teacher teaching music and running a 120-member children's choir travelling and performing a lot. The experience we lived through together in music is a very strong bond. Maybe because our school, the Kodaly School is one of the most unique schools in the world, no doubt about that. We had a very special relationship that lasted despite the 22 years that I have spent in Australia and the 15,549km-s that separate us.

It is lovely to see their lives unfolding on Facebook. Getting their degrees, finding their life partners, seeing the pictures of their first, second, third children and how quickly they grow up. Pictures of my friends' holidays, traveling, dinners, lunches and even breakfast shakes while the world goes by. In the meantime we see the tragedies that the news share with us, the consequences of our human acts and how we kill living habitats of our Earth and destroy our planet. Pictures of war, terror acts and the terrible things that some human beings do. Not a happy sight!

There is much talk about how we pretend on Facebook. How we all try to put up the best pictures of ourselves, share our success, the Good News, brag about our trips, our holidays, our new belongings, whatever would make others envy us, envy our lives. Try to cover up the not so good aspect of our lives.

In the meantime life is happening behind the scenes, behind the logged out screen of Facebook.

This might not be the reality for many of my students, for many of the younger generation but they will catch up with time, too.

Life has it's cycles. There is a time for schooling, getting your first job, seeing the world, meeting The One, there is a time for getting married, starting a family, buying your first home, having your children then being fired from your job, being depressed, getting sick, relationship break ups, loosing your best friend, separation, divorce, your parents divorcing, finding a new job, getting cancer, your parents passing away, your children growing up and going through the same cycle. For some, things don't happen at the usual time line but earlier or later, depending how "lucky" you happen to be. It makes a big difference how good family and friend network you have to support you through tough times in life.

I lost my parents and loved ones very early in life. I also left behind everyone when I came to Australia. I am pretty much well trained in grief, if I may say it like this. Maybe this made me distance myself more as a protection. Lost enough people whom I loved dearly.

However, I remember the day when on Facebook I learnt about the passing of a dear mentor and friend. I was stoned. Somehow you think, everyone is immortal on Facebook, no bad happens to anyone but only on the news and your friends will be there with you forever. It was really hard what and how to respond. However, the best came out as people responded genuinely, honestly and very warmly. His page became a memorial page to his life. I don't know how much comfort his wife and family got from it. I think Facebook is the last thing you want to see when you lost a loved one. Real real human interaction and support is what you want in those times.

Not long ago a friend of mine, similar age, lost her husband due to cancer. There were some lovely, very touching posts from her about his passing, his life and her memories about him. People were really good expressing their empathy and sympathy. For me, it was obvious that my friend needed to get it out on Facebook and share it with her circle of influence. Honestly, I was glad she did it. For many reasons. Most importantly, for her sake. Writing it out, expressing yourself in whatever way you feel like has a healing, cleansing effect. Just get it out. Shout, cry if you need to. There is always enough time for quiet contemplation. There is enough time when you are alone. The nights are long enough...

We also had a chance to see how the days, weeks and months brought comfort and how my friend busied herself and built herself up after her loss. She is the type of person who learnt to appreciate the smallest things in life. A sunrise, a beautiful bird, the unique Australian landscape, a visit of a friend, a good chat and a cup of tea or a lovely sunset, she took it all in and she appreciated it. She was grateful for every day, even without her husband. She taught us a lesson too.


My other big topic is ageing. And especially ageing women. I really think that Facebook has a huge role in changing the culture. Just the other day I watched 60 mins. There was an interview that Ray Martin did with someone. I noticed that he is not getting younger either. But while I was looking the wrinkled face of this interviewer, I wondered what happened to his female colleagues of the same age? You simply do not see old female TV personalities. They get booted as soon as they loose their freshness. The only ageing women you see is the SBS reporter, Lee Li Chin. She is quite a character and a fantastic TV personality, I think that saves her! I hope that time comes when all ages and races will be much better represented in Australian TV and movies. Ageing is natural. Those of us who live long long enough to age are the lucky ones. Many people have not been that lucky and left us way too early. Ageing also gives you a chance to become who you really supposed to be.

There are some really great examples in the film industry, where actors like brilliant Maggie Smith and Meryl Streep are changing the role of older female actors. Maggie Smith is the Grand Lady and whatever she takes on, makes it a success. Be it Downton Abbey or The best exotic Marigold Hotel. Meryl Streep is showing the world that ageing women can be funny, sexy, clever and presentable on screen. Unfortunately, men can just be themselves and age. No hairdo, no make up, no waxing, no fancy clothes. Women, on the other hand, constantly need to face the expectations that century long conditioning put on us. For example, a few minutes after birth you need to be back in shape and be a Super Mum. A woman is like the Hindu's multiple-armed Goddess of Durga! Life for women is like Big Brother constantly watching!

Let's stop here for a moment. Celebrities. Our lives on Facebook is a little like the life of celebrities. Sunshine, fast cars, big house, women and travel. The perfect life! How far is it from reality? Wrinkles, orange skin, fat bulges, sickness can't be part of it. Don't even try unemployment, financial troubles, sickness and death. Most people just scroll. It's too hard! However, this is the time when you would know who your real friends are.  Because most of the many hundred friends you have on Facebook CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! That's when you should cull and keep the ones that support you. The rest is just garnish!

Anything that is a little bit more heavy topic, like politics, climate change, education, health care or the darker side of your life will be taboo. For most of them. Some will even un-friend you if you carry on too long on those topics.

Please don't misunderstand me. I am not one who likes to be bombarded by tragic news, political news, negative posts or tragedies of life. There is enough of that everywhere. I like positive, uplifting and happy things on Facebook and in life. However, I think it is also a mistake to live up in the clouds and totally ignore reality. It is a mistake to ignore the cries of my friends for help, for support. Otherwise Facebook is really junk, useless and unreal, virtual gathering of people you know.
There has to be a balance and reality. Of course, there is a limit how much bad news or whinging you can take from your friends. But we need to feel connected and real for Facebook and our life to make sense. We need to be able to handle the truth. Does not matter how unpleasant or tragic it can be at times. Pain is necessary to feel alive and to appreciate when things go well.

I must admit, I really enjoyed Facebook before beautiful pictures and funny videos took over my wall. There were more honest, interesting and real life posts from my friends. Then 'celebrity life' took over. It became a competition of who can find nicer, better, bigger or more interesting photos or videos. It became a delusional place. An imaginery, dream scene where we go to escape from reality. Many times when I scroll I scroll the pictures and videos and look for words. My friends own words. There is a limit how many cute cats, dogs, baby photos or beautiful landscapes you want to see. I really enjoy posts of friends with special interests other than cats, dogs, recipes and babies although I like them, too. Anything, just be different is good! God, sometimes what a relief to be a musician!

I am sure that some of my friends feel the same way, here she goes again about music! But you see, variety, being different, loving and caring about different things is good!

It just shows that your truth and my truth are not the same.

Facebook's truth? It teaches you to question everything!

The value of migrants - ANZAC DAY 2016

I was listening to the radio this morning. It is ANZAC Day today. Anzac Day, 25 April, is one of Australia’s most important national occasions.

It marks the anniversary of the first major military action fought by Australian and New Zealand forces during the First World War.

It was Jon Faine from 774 ABC Melbourne broadcasting from the Shrine of Remembrance. ANZAC Day is my favourite Australian public holiday. 

During my first seven years working at the ANU in Canberra in ACT,  I spent every ANZAC Day singing at the War Memorial and watching the march from the front seat with my friends. What a view we had! From the elevated War Memorial we could see all the people walking and marching on the Avenue with a an incredible backdrop of Lake Burley Griffin and the Old and New Parliament House on the other side of the lake! 

We knew all the songs and had chance to get to know the local heroes and their stories. Then when I became the Music Director of the Canberra Choral Society of more than hundred singers, suddenly dawned on me, what an honour is to be leading the choir and performing those songs that mean a lot this way or that way to every Australian with the Duntroon Military Band. I fondly remember these performances and how after singing a group of us went to have a meal or a cup of coffee together or changed into bush walking gear and had a fabulous day in the bush!

This year there was an alternate march held in Melbourne as a protest against RSL rule change. The group is frustrated with Returned Services League (RSL) rules brought in last year, that do not allow them to walk with their ancestors' banners in the march. Instead, the banners are carried by single representatives at the head of the parade, while the descendants walk together at the rear without the battalion markers. Only World War I descendants are affected by the rules. Denise Mears, whose grandfather was in the 39th Battalion, said the banner had enormous importance for her. "It's not that the descendants are trying to take the place or get any accolades ... we know we weren't at the war," she said. "But it's just to keep the tradition going." It really shows how much the young generation, relatives of the heroes, want to be part of the march and carry the torch.

There was another interesting aspect of ANZAC Day that I heard about in the radio. It was first time that a Chinese group took part in Melbourne's Anzac Day march. More than 40 relatives of Chinese soldiers who fought the Japanese in World War II walked behind their banner to the Shrine.

Ms Xue, 60, said her late father, Xiao Ping, suffered chronic pain for decades after sustaining bullet wounds to his back in the battle for FoMiaoLing​ village in Shanxi province in September 1941.
Mr Xiao was among 2000 Chinese soldiers who faced 10,000 Japanese in the the battle. With 500 colleagues dead or missing, he was shot in the back and crawled for more than one kilometre for help.  She said marching in Melbourne would help her son, Joe Wei, 32, and her granddaughter, Isabelle, 21 months, to know about Mr Xiao's story and honour him, and educate local young Chinese.

One of the group's organisers, Qifang​ Wang, of Notting Hill, migrated to Australia 28 years ago.
She said she would often watch the Anzac Day march on TV and her children would learn Anzac stories about Europe or south-east Asia at school. The Chinese experience in fighting the Japanese invasion was never mentioned. "It really bothered me," she said.

Hearing these stories and the Chinese being represented at ANZAC Day made me ponder about migrants, assimilation and our recent problems with new migrants.

The Chinese have been part of Australia for a long time. As I heard from Australians, from time to time there were problems with Chinese not assimilating and not speaking English. These are still issues in the community. However, the Chinese community is highly regarded as part of Australian society. How did they achieve this? By working hard. As Chinese do. By becoming a valuable, member of the Australian culture. By contributing to the economy. By being a decent citizen. By building a life as part of the community that meets the Australian standards. 

I remember, how important it was for me to represent my home country the best I can here in Australia. My contribution was and is mostly through my profession, music and teaching. Introducing Australians to Hungarian and other European music that I was fortunate enough to study, perform and many times buy and bring music scores to Australia that were rare or never performed. Enriching the culture, making it more colourful by adding my "Hungarian touch". By representing the world famous Kodaly music teaching method and teaching it here. By being a decent person, a valuable citizen and trying to fit in by standing out and standing out by fitting in. 

On the other hand, I was introduced to music, history, literature, nature and people and even to food and many other things that otherwise I would have never encountered. I became richer, more open, more accepting, a more colourful and interesting person than I would have never become if I stayed in Europe. And yes, many time I said or did the wrong things, too. Luckily, only on a minor scale....And there were times when I felt embarrassed by my Hungarian fellow citizens and did not want others know that I was Hungarian too....

The problem with many of the recent incidents is that no country wants trouble makers, no country wants lazy, uneducated citizens who will live on the doll. No country wants people who don't want to fit in, don't value the opportunities and what this new country has to offer. And definitely no country wants migrants who try to harm others. 

The responsibility has to be shared by many that this does not happen. Obviously, people need to be screened more and more carefully, considering the present hot climate. Then all the services need to be in place to accept and welcome new comers. I know.... many of my migrants friends would protest here and could tell their stories that when they arrived they got nothing and they had to figure out everything, learn the language, get an accommodation, find a job, work hard and create a life. However, times change...Migration becomes easier and things like language courses are offered, accommodation provided and jobs are readily available for some. Migration, even under these much better circumstances, are still not easy. 

The responsibility and the role of the already existing same nationality community is tremendous. I can't even imagine how much easier it must be when you have people around you who speak the same language, help you and give you advice and you can make friends with them. The support network makes life so much easier. 

I did not have that. But exactly that made me more resilient and assimilate better. I had to learn and speak English as quickly as I could to stay in my lecturing position. I had to make friends and figure out everything myself not to drawn. The pressure and the stress was tremendous. However, I was so busy staying alive and to cope that I did not have the time, the energy and could not contemplate blowing up a bomb or plot a terror act. I was too busy creating a life for myself in this country. I did not even know if I will be staying here or not. If I will like it to stay or not. 

A group, like the Chinese migrants or Italian migrants or even the much smaller Hungarian community create their reputation they have by living, breathing, acting, contributing here in Australia. I believe that all different nationality groups deserve the reputation they have. Because it is by their members acts that this reputation is built and deserved. By creating better communities we can influence people and the young generation. It takes time and takes patience. 

The presence of the Chinese group at this year's ANZAC Day march took a long time to manifest. It shows that they not only looked back at history and examined their contribution to China but they also feel being part of the Australian community and history. This is a big step forward. Every group has its own evolutionary time. This is how Australia grows and evolves. 

Lest remember. 

The benefits of whole body tapping EFT

Whole Body Patting (EFT or Emotional Freedom Technique) stimulates the energy meridians of the body through vibration, while increasing blood and lymph circulation.

In short, tapping yields enormous benefit. Simply on a physical level, tapping improves blood circulation, helps release tension, and improves skin elasticity, thereby reducing pain and promoting the healing process.

Body tapping circulates energy through the body and stimulates the central and peripheral nervous systems, helping to settle the mind, release stress and emotions, increase energy levels, and sharpen the senses.

The benefits of tapping can be greatly increased by regulating the mind. As with meditation, rather than letting your mind wander as you tap, keep directing your attention to the sensations in your body. For example, try to notice the vibration as it stimulates the muscles in your body and calmly watch, rather than react to, any emotions or pain that may surface through the tapping.

As you allow your mind to “sink into” and accept the feelings in your body, true transformation can occur: you can uncover and release old emotions and self-effacing beliefs, heal chronic pain and intransigent illness, and naturally experience feelings of inner peace, gratitude, and unconditional love.

Sound too good to be true? It’s not! When practiced with deep awareness and acceptance, tapping helps you release the many layers of stress and emotion that you may have built up inside over time, and allow you to experience a more essential part of your being.

You can thus encounter a deeper, common core of self from which you can experience a sense of connection with yourself and with the world. It enables you to hear the messages that your body is sending to guide you to a state of well-being.

Of course, as with any exercise, don’t overdo it. Stinging and pain are normal signs of blockage and stiffness in the body. However, if you feel excessive pain, try tapping more lightly or move to a different part of the body.

If you have specific health conditions, please consult a physician before trying this or any other exercise.

Stand with you feet parted shoulder-width and knees slightly bent. Extend your left arm ninety degrees from the body with your palm facing upward.

With your right hand slightly cupped, begin to pat the top of your left shoulder, and then pat down your arm toward your palm for ten counts.

Turn your palm over and pat up the other side of the arm for ten counts. Repeat on your right arm.

With both hands, pat your chest for 50 counts.

Move your hands down and pat your lower abdomen for 50 counts.

Bring your hands to your lower back and pat for 50 counts.

Then with one hand on each leg, pat down the back of your legs for ten counts, then up the front of the legs, down the sides of the legs, and up the inside of the legs for ten counts each.

Return to your lower abdomen, patting briskly for 50 counts.

This three minutes video with body tapping will change your life!

I start my yoga session by starting a tapping exercise focusing on the Dahnjoong—the meridian point found in the middle of the slight indentation in the center of the chest. This point is close to the middle Dahn-jon—the chakra located behind the heart. It's highly sensitive to everyday anxiety and is, for that reason, effective at relieving stress and promoting emotional stability. By tapping the Dahnjoong at least 100 times and controlling your breath, you may experience tingling sensations in your chest and fingertips that are signs that stagnant energy is leaving your body.